“Use your words!” is what my sister often shouts out to me. Do you know that feeling, that you actually have so much to say, but you just can’t seem to find your words? It’s like the feelings, the thoughts, the experiences and concepts that come through need to get translated into something of an expression that people can actually understand, or at the least receive. To me, it often feels like a lot of effort. “Just look inside my experience and you would immediately understand what I mean!” I would think. And with my sister I do take that effort to find my true expression. To connect. At other times, when there is more risk involved, or I am not really asked to say anything, it seems much easier to not even try. However, connection is found through our creative expression.
Staying silent is easier
For a long time, I chose to stay silent. Not because it was a conscious choice so much, but more because I somehow assumed it just wasn’t very interesting for other people to know. It would mean they had to be patient enough to hear me out, it would mean I had to take up space and time and I assumed that wasn’t what people were asking for. Nobody has time for anything right? And I didn’t have the full answer anyway. Yes, there were views and thoughts, but the picture wasn’t complete yet. So how could I even express that? Why bother you with my half-ass-messy-incomplete-imperfect point of view? Chances are the other person isn’t even listening with an open mind and an open heart anyway.
It felt like I was doing just fine on my own; I didn’t need their effort to comfort me, or understand me, I didn’t need that recognition, so was my line of thought.
What connection actually is
At some point in time, on a Friday afternoon, in a bar, my co-workers asked me: “why do you never express your thoughts, your ideas when we are together in our group working on something, discussing important things?” And I explained I was fine not to, I didn’t really need to ask the questions, to discuss, I was perfectly ok with figuring it out myself. I didn’t need it. So I rather not use up anyone’s time. And to my great surprise, they actually got mad at me. Like really pissed off. Saying that I withheld them my views, my experiences. I withheld them the opportunity to understand more of the world and co-create together. I withheld them real connection.
As a result of this conversation, I started to see bit by bit that this “not needing anyone” wasn’t modesty at all, it was actually about fear, control, arrogance and separation. It wasn’t about being humble, it was actually my fear and pride talking. Not daring to deal with the messes of being in an actual authentic imperfect interaction and connection with this other human being. Being scared to be wrong. Being scared to ask for help. Being scared to need someone. It was a real mind-explosion, to say the least.
Expression is connection
And the thing is, until we really learn how to telepathically communicate with each other, we do need our actual expression for this authentic interaction, for real connection, for co-creation, for growth. We need to translate our experiences into an actual voice, whatever that may look like. And yes, I know, it’s much easier to just stay silent. To not ask that question. To not share your experience, your view. To not explain what is really happening within you. Such a hassle, am I right? So much risk of not being understood, so much risk of being accused for having different views, much safer to just stay with yourself and not risk being wronged by others.
But not expressing isn’t just saying “no” to co-creation and connection with others. It’s also saying “no” yourself. It’s saying “no” to the connection and creation within yourself. It’s like a wall that you might think is protecting you, but in fact, it’s just withholding you from life flowing through you. In order to grow, in order to evolve, in order to say “yes” to life, we need to express. Express our views, our experiences, our creative, imperfect, messy ideas.
Connection is expression
What about you? What if you decided to express yourself no matter what? Imperfect and all? In whatever shape or form you desire? What would you have to say right now? I would love to hear about it!