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Over the last couple of months I had a number of people with a somewhat similar coaching question in my practice. They expressed worries of not getting everything out of life. They told me: ‘my life just evolved so organically. I flowed from one opportunity to the next and everything is going ok, but that makes me wonder where I am actually heading. I feel I don’t have a direction in life. Everyone else seems to have it all figured out, but I am just floating around without any clear focus. I want to be in charge of my life’!

Some of us might be very familiar with this feeling. It all flows naturally, so it seems all okay, but you are not feeling you are really IN there, or you feel there is a lack of focus and you are drifting. For others, including myself, the story sounds actually inspiring. One of my big challenges was to let go of control and let things flow their natural course. Most of the time, I know what I want, and my natural tendency was (and sometimes still is) to work really hard to get it. To work through any obstacles, not let anything get in my way. To shed some blood, sweat and tears, and just MAKE IT HAPPEN. Yes, sometimes this meant I got what I wanted, but it did take a lot of effort. And by the time I got to my goal I hardly felt like celebrating, as I was already working on my next goal. It took me quite some effort to learn to let go. Part of me still says, after hearing the story of my clients: ‘are you serious!? Just enjoy this! If everything falls in place naturally, why would you want to change any of that?’ This is, what I feel to be, the beauty of our challenges in personal growth: we all have challenges, but they are all different. For me, with regard to my personal challenge, the story of my coachees feels like paradise: it is the universe working for you! That is a good thing! Keep it! However, my coachees do face a challenge that is real. The feeling not knowing where they want to go and their desire to take charge of life is as justified as wanting to let go of control. While mine is about learning to have faith and letting things unfold, my clients are learning to get to know what they actually desire in life and to ask for that to happen.

We are all co-creaters of our life. If we desire something, we better have some input in this process of creation. And in order to be able to enjoy the natural unfolding of our desires, we better let go of control and let it actually happen. And no, this might not mean that we are in charge of anything, and it doesn’t mean that we always get what we have in our mind. What it means is that we are all co-creating our life, together with everyone else’s. We are all made of energy and our energy is part of all the energy in the universe. So how does it work?

Part one: if you let the universe (and by that, yourself and everyone/everything) know, through your energy, what it is that you desire, you are actually part of creating that. If you feel this is to complex or airy-fairy for you, there is also a much simpler system at work in our brain, that’s called the RAS (reticular activating system). By expressing your desires (repeatedly), your brain is focused on the opportunities that come along with regard to your desire. It is like you are pregnant and you suddenly see babies everywhere, or why you respond to your own name and not someone else’s.

Part two: after expressing your desires, the next challenge is to let go of any attachment you have towards that desire or outcome. Why attachment is hurtful? Attachment is filled with the energy of insecurity and fear (Like you are gripping your desire so tightly, because you are afraid you won’t get it. Ever did that with a lover? You probably now what the result is..), while the energy of creation is all about faith and trust. You might not get the exact result you are picturing in you head: it might be something different, or it might be far bigger, better, or greater than you could ever imagine. So trust that if you know your desires and you set your intention for creating your desire, you can simply let go and let the laws of energy do their work.

Do you want to get everything out of life with ease? Take the following steps and repeat this exercise frequently. It will help you both to feel you are taking charge and to let go of any attachment.

  1. Dare to dream: take some space for quiet consideration. What is it that your heart desires? What kind of life do you wish to live? How would that life feel? What kind of values would you have? What kind of relationships would you have? What is it that you would do to add value to the world? Even if you don’t now exactly what kind of job you want to do, your desire could also be to be in service, to support others, to add value etc.
  2. Visualize your dream: like you can already hold it in your hand now: what is it that you see? How does it feel to hold it in your hand? Write it down in a diary as if it’s already there, set your intention to get it. Feel like it’s right here: feel the love and the abundance of the dream; the energy of the feeling is what is sending the message.
  3. Let go of any attachment to the dream: have faith that you will get this, or something that’s even better for you. So stop forcing, let go and have faith.
  4. Act as you are called to do: when you feel there is an opportunity coming your way that feels like the right thing to do, act swiftly and thoroughly and express gratitude! This is the result of you co-creating with the universe! So enjoy!

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